FAITH COPELAND
All my life, I’ve struggled to believe God loved me. Even, at times, outright rejected it.
I remember being deeply affected the first time I understood that sin was what put Jesus on the cross. The message of His love went straight over my head, and all I could see was horrifying proof of how horrible I must be. My mistakes had killed an innocent man.
I’ve struggled with a pretty deep self-hatred from an early age, and this, combined with my realization about sin, resulted in my mind being darkened by shame and perfectionism. I honestly believed that my imperfections needed to be hidden or else no one would love me. Love became something I had to earn, and I lived in fear that if I ever messed up, I’d be condemned.
Out of this, I developed an eating disorder, and soon was taking out my pain on my body. How I looked on the outside, I thought, would earn me love, and then no one would have to know how bad I was on the inside. Foolproof. Eventually, I fell away from good into a very worldly life, believing that I was too imperfect to be loved by Jesus or my family and that I may as well give up. I ran into very unhealthy relationships, worked insane hours at my jobs to gain approval, damaged my body with destructive habits. I became totally empty.
In 2018, I began to feel Christ’s whisper in my heart. A nagging call to stop running and come to Him. I knew it was God, but I tried to redouble my efforts to run away, protesting that I couldn’t be anything for Him, that I wasn’t worthy of love. But the call only got stronger, and finally, a year later, I surrendered to Him. I quit my job, left my boyfriend, left my friends and the city I was in, and let Him lead me to conversion.
I followed His call to become a Volunteer Missionary still thinking I had to earn His love, but my view has transformed. This past winter, I took the term away from Newman to finally address my struggles with my body and food, and in the process learned something I never dared to accept.
Christ died for me. For me, personally. Out of love. I didn’t force Him to. He didn’t die because I’m awful. He died because He wants me to be free. He went freely, out of love. The cross is not a sign of condemnation, rather, it’s a sign of how much we are worth. We were worth the life of God’s Son. My whole perspective flipped on its head, and I didn’t even realize it needed to.
I have hope, now, in the fact that “nothing can separate us from the love of Christ Jesus.”
Christ has taught me to receive His love, exactly as I am. This is the Good News of our God, that our worth comes from His love for us, and that He cannot be driven away.
Join us for our Beacons of Hope Series. This series of testimonies will run from April 1 to June 3.
Joining the series late? Email melanie@osunewman.org if you would like to receive the past testimonies.
Cody Schlabach
“A Story Of Hope”
“I’ve always desired to do as God asked of me. But we all know that it’s not always easy, and sometimes seems impossible. Sometimes, the easy part is saying yes, and the part that seems impossible is what soon follows.
The Lord asked of me to give up 5 years of my life by joining the United States Army. He somehow gave me a sudden interest in this and a spark of excitement, enough so that I said yes. Soon to follow, was 10 weeks of basic combat training.
There was no encouragement, no hope, no faith. Only pain and hardship. Every time I felt like giving up, I prayed. Every time I felt discouraged, I prayed. I knew, that since this is what God asked me to do, there was no way I could let myself fail. I felt Jesus come with me on every ruck march, every PT test, every field exercise. He was there, suffering along with me.
I overcame pain, humiliation, sleep deprivation, impossible tasks, etc. I’ve never needed to lean on Him so much. I knew that there was a reason I was there, a reason He would allow me to suffer so much. I began to view these 5 years as perhaps a long penance for my sins. Maybe that’s part of it.
Every time I thought about how I left my home, my friends, my family, I would regret my decision. I would become lonely. However, when I reminded myself that it was He who sent me here; it was He who asked this of me; I gained hope, and strength to carry on.
I still don’t know why I am in the Army, but what I do know is this. God put me here, and so no matter what follows, it is good. Whatever pain, loneliness, suffering, anxiety, and stress. It is good, and I can endure with joy in my heart that I am living my life as God wants it. I can truly do all things through Christ who strengthens me. “
Join us for our Beacons of Hope Series. This new series of testimonies will begin the week of March 30th.
ERIK GUIREMAND '10
During my time at Oregon State I was fortunate enough to experience two powerful and complementary influences that have greatly shaped the man that I have become. The first (and most important) was the experience of developing a deep personal relationship with Christ for the first time in my life. This was brought about through the Newman Center and going on the Fragua retreat during my Freshman year. At the same time, I was already preparing for my future career as a Naval Officer in the NROTC program. As a result of being a part of both communities I developed deep friendships, purpose, and joy, all while setting myself up for life after college. Yet, two of the most critical developments that occurred during my time at Oregon State involved compassion and discipline.
Good order and discipline is at the core of what makes the military successful. My time in NROTC helped to make me a more disciplined student, midshipman, and Catholic. I always saw the importance to discipline in the military, but through my experience with the Saint John Society, I quickly realized that discipline was crucial in cultivating a fruitful faith life. It is easy to pray when all of your friends are doing it, when things in life are going well, and when you have a lot of spare time. However, when you are deployed and working 14+ hour days, or you have three kids that are constantly demanding your attention; faith becomes a choice that requires discipline to keep it strong during the seasons of life that don’t have the free time, frequent faith community events, or strong feelings of connection to God. Just as Jesus required discipline to overcome the temptations of the devil during his 40 days in the desert, I needed discipline to overcome seasons of mediocrity in my faith.
Equally important to discipline is compassion. During my time at the Newman Center I met people from all different walks of life and different places in their faith journey. In my interactions with all of them, compassion (overwhelmingly) was the most important quality in bringing them closer to God and into Catholic community. Putting my judgements aside and seeing that every person (regardless of their beliefs or past) is a child of God that Jesus died for had a profound impact on my outlook on life. Consequently, my opinion of a what makes a good naval officer shifted a great deal. Discipline, maintaining standards, and firm leadership are certainly important, but having compassion for the people that you work with is what develops a culture of success and builds an environment where everyone wants to work at the highest level out of love and respect for each other.
My life has been full of grace and blessings. I married the love of my life and a strong Catholic (who I met at the Newman Center). We have three beautiful daughters and another child on the way. It takes a great deal of discipline to coordinate the lives of three little kids, but it also takes compassion to love them in the moments where everyone is crying or fighting. It takes discipline and compassion to make time for my wife after the kids go to sleep or to help with the chores after working a full day. It takes discipline to make prayers a part of every day of my children’s lives, and compassion to stay calm as they lick my face when I teach them to say the Our Father. Discipline has helped me to keep up my faith during the chaos, and striving to consistently show Christ-like compassion has been at the forefront of living a life of faith that I hope will inspire others to hear the call of Christ in my family and beyond.