Things I Didn't Know
I didn’t know I was alive before being born. It never occurred to me that I was so loved even before conception. Nor did it occur to me that my life was delicately planned out, and my name known before my parents knew I was developing in my mother’s womb.
I didn’t know that crawling was inefficient until I learned how to walk, and I didn’t know that walking was slow until I learned how to run. However, I didn’t know that it was better to walk rather than run so as to avoid stumbling, until I fell a few times. I didn’t know that I’d fall countless more times after that either. Or that each time I’d fall, there would be a way to get back up.
I didn’t know that in order to truly live, I would first have to die. It didn’t occur to me either that this death of self would need to be renewed every day. I didn’t know that my life is not my own, until I really started living it. That this life was given to me at the cost of another's. I didn’t know what love really meant until I learned of the great sacrifice. I didn’t know how to even begin repaying such love. I didn’t know that I was made from dust and to dust I shall return, or that someone would willingly suffer and die for me, a creation of dust.
I didn’t know how much I was worth until I learned that I was worthless. I didn’t know that I was just another grain of sand in a vast desert, yet was loved and cherished like a son. It didn’t occur to me that every hair on my head was counted and that I was worth more than the sparrows of the sky.
I didn’t know that two is better than one, and a friend is like a sturdy shelter until I fell and needed help. I didn’t know how to cherish the company of good friends until I felt alone. I didn’t know that I was never less alone than when alone. It didn’t occur to me that to be loved is to love, and to treat others as I wish to be treated. I didn’t know what a good friend was until I recognized that I was a bad one.
I didn’t know what truth was until I was able to recognize falsehood. I didn’t know the significance of good until I was immersed in the bad. I didn’t know to appreciate beauty until I was able to see the connection of truth and goodness. I didn’t know that life was leading towards something more until I realized the vanities of life. I didn’t see my own vanities until I admitted my own faults.
I didn’t know that the easy path would be the wrong one and that the hard path would be the right one. I didn’t know that the narrow path would lead away from the broad one until I was on it. It didn’t occur to me that others would look down at and ridicule me for walking in the opposite direction. I didn’t know that I could rejoice upon being rejected and persecuted. Nor did it occur to me that my strengths would be perfected through my weaknesses.
I didn’t know that my greatest joy would stem from the hardships of life. I didn’t know that I would be tested in order to grow, or that my life was to be tempered like a sword cast into the forge over and over again. I didn’t know that mortification brought with it sanctification. It didn’t occur to me to even try until I saw others striving to live their lives.
I didn’t know that poverty meant true riches, or that obedience meant true freedom, or that chastity meant loving all and not just one. I didn’t know that I found a precious pearl worth selling everything for. I didn’t know that this treasure was worth selling everything in order to buy the field within which it was buried.
I didn’t know that I was made for eternity until I recognized that I was in exile. I didn’t know that I was living in the plains when I was destined for the heights. I didn’t know that my heart could soar like the wings of eagles and that my soul was yearning for something higher. I didn’t know that eternity was in the now as I was stuck in my past waiting for a better future that was already here.
I didn’t know that my heart could beat for another, with another, and in another as I am being formed into their likeness. I didn’t know that my restless heart could be at peace, until I was willing to give it away. It didn’t occur to me that this heart of mine could cry out with the same thirst and piercing pain of the suffering. I didn’t know that upon relinquishing my heart, I would be rewarded with so much more. I didn’t know that much would be expected of me, a lowly creation of dust.
I didn’t know that I would be where I am today nor that it was even possible for me to live such a beautiful life. I don’t know where I may end up in this life, but I know who is leading me as if by a pillar of cloud throughout the day and by a pillar of fire at night. I don’t know how I will fulfill my calling, save through grace alone. I don’t know how long this life on earth will be but I know I will give it my all. I don’t know why it had to be me, but it is and now it’s my turn to fight the good fight, to compete well, and to finish the race. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow and He is far greater than I or anyone else could ever be. I just didn’t know that He would become my Lord, my Love, and my Life, my God, my King, and my Everything.
This blog post was made by an anonymous student in our community. If you have any spiritual notions or writings that you would like to be considered for our blog, please contact us.